mom:  are you on drugs?
me:  私は今の薬です

geeses:

ik I’m not supposed to talk to strangers but what if they’re cute????

Person:  Hi I'm Christian.
Me:  Cool.
Person:  Hi I'm Jewish.
Me:  Cool.
Person:  Hi I'm Muslim.
Me:  Cool.
Person:  Hi I'm Wiccan.
Me:  Cool.
Person:  Hi I'm atheist.
Me:  Cool.
Person:  Hi I'm Buddhist.
Me:  Cool.
Person:  Hi I'm Hindu.
Me:  Cool.
Person:  Hi I believe in this and you're wrong so I'm going to tell you all about how wrong you are.
Me:  Get the fuck out of my face before I hit you in the face with a frozen turkey.